


Using a Machete to Cut Through Red Tape

by Kelly_the_Ferret



Series: Leviathan Depths [11]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21651712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelly_the_Ferret/pseuds/Kelly_the_Ferret
Summary: An awkward meeting of the Council of Archangels
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Leviathan Depths [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538272
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Using a Machete to Cut Through Red Tape

Michael turned her attention to the rest of the party. "Well, what do you want, then?" she demanded.

"We- well, they- have a proposal for the Council," Gabriel said coolly.

Selaphiel regarded the principality, demon, and stranger skeptically while Michael rolled her eyes. "This is who you bring on board?" she asked with an arched eyebrow.

Gabriel calmly launched into a preamble, "So far, they've tracked the Behemoth to the Nigerian coast, where-"

"No," Michael stated. "You go months without a field report and then bring this group of treasonous wankers in here asking for some leeway? No. You're lucky we don't report you to Her."

Gabriel took a deep breath as his eyes turned dark. A midnight flash moved in front of him before he could speak, however. 

Crowley's wings spread to create a barrier between the Council table and the others. In a voice that was almost a growl she said, "Look, _Michael_ , Gabriel had the courage to ask for help when he was stuck, and he didn't hesitate to call on us, in spite of our differences." She stalked closer to the table, continuing, "While you've been up here FAILING to keep things ticking along, he's been digging in! He's down off his high horse, his sleeves are rolled up, and he's actually doing something!"

Michael rolled her eyes and pressed a button on an intercom in front of her. "Security."

"Yeahhhh, hide behind your lackeys!" Crowley snarled, planting her palms on the table. "You never were creative enough to solve your own problems! But what will you do when humanity is wiped out and you have no more souls coming in?"

Three armed guards rushed in past Aziraphale and Naboo. The shaman shouted "Oi! She's got a visitor's pass!"

The demon stood up straight and took three steps backwards as she let her wings fold away.

"Ma'am?" the apparent Captain of the guards asked.

Selaphiel clapped his hands while laughing loudly. "She's right! You can't deny she's right!" he told Michael. "I remember those eyes," he added, winking at Gabriel.

Michael's face turned from pink to magenta. When she finally spoke, she addressed the guards, "As you were."

Aziraphale regarded his demon with eyes full of both wonder and deep affection as the guards filed back out of the Council house.

"So, the little angel has written a proposal? Let's hear it!" Seraphiel invited. He clapped his hands again once and the room was bright and airy.

Michael looked like she would have breathed fire if she were able. "Fine. But he doesn't get a vote," she spat, pointing at the archangel on the other side of the table. "He's clearly got an ethical conflict here."

Gabriel raised his hands, palms outwards. "Fine! Let 'em have it, Aziraphale."

The principality stepped forward confidently and addressed the pair of Council members with a genial smile. "Archangels of the High Council, we come before you-"

Michael clucked her tongue and interrupted, "Aziraphale, just tell us what you want."

Naboo shuffled forward, but before he could speak, Michael demanded, "And who the holy hand grenade is this!?"

Crowley held an arm out towards the robed figure and dramatically announced, "May I present: Naboo the Enigma."

Michael stared blankly, seeming to wait for more information. When none came, she dryly stated, "Enigma, indeed."

Naboo seemed to ignore the slight and animatedly began, "Look, right? We need the Ziz to help us find the Behemoth. He's out at sea somewhere looking for the Kraken, and-"

"The Behemoth went for a bloody swim?!" Michael nearly shouted.

Aziraphale took over and continued, "Yes. And we believe the Ziz would be of use in our hunt. We currently have no means of tracking the Behemoth, but the Ziz can fly over large areas with great haste and we believe she can communicate with the missing creature."

Michael placed her fingers on her temples. Selaphiel shook his head with a look of dismay and responded, "So, you would set another creature on the loose? You are aware that the Ziz is quite the handful?"

"Yes. Which is why we would have a gondola fixed to the top of its head," the principality finished proudly. 

"That sounds like a terrible plan," Michael said without looking up from the table.

"Then why not a tracking beacon?" the principality eagerly countered.

Michael sighed and said, "That's... marginally better."

Aziraphale quickly announced, "Then it's settled!"

"Yes, I suppose- Wait, no! We still haven't voted!" Michael spluttered.

Selaphiel raised a hand and shouted "All in favor! Aye!"

"Second!" Crowley called with an innocent expression.

"You've-- also been stripped of voting privileges!" Michael snapped. 

"I think we've harshed her mellow," Naboo commented with a wide grin. "These lot argue more than the Shaman High Council."

"Honorable Councilwoman -"

"Aziraphale, I swear if you keep up with the false formalities -" Michael growled.

"Ma'am, you'll see the benefit of allowing us the use of the Ziz if you look at our pie chart," Aziraphale proposed as he pulled a roll of paper from inside his jacket. Gabriel watched Michael's bewildered face and he struggled to contain a laugh.

Crowley addressed the dissenter in a conspiratorial tone, "Honestly, you'd save yourself a great deal of headache if you just vote 'yes' now. They wrote pages of counter-arguments; we have a forty-five minute TED talk lined up..." 

Five minutes later, the four visitors were in an elevator whose display was whirring with ever-increasing numbers.

Aziraphale looked at Crowley out of the Corner of his eye and grinned. "A forty-five minute TED talk? What ever would the topic have been?"

"It was going to be a loop of Gabriel flossing," Crowley said with a laugh.

"Angels don't dance!" Gabriel shot back. He quietly added, "I can't believe that worked."

The elevator stopped at last, and it's doors slid open to reveal a grey landscape marred by craters of various sizes. A large nest sat in one crater which was large enough to accommodate The Colosseum. A chirping noise echoed from the nest, and a large avian creature rose to its feet.

Aziraphale's eyes travelled upwards, seeing the ill-reputed creature for the first time. The Ziz stood upright like a heron, and its feathers glowed in reds, oranges, and yellows in the light. The creature bounded towards the group, causing the colors to dance like flames as the bird's feathers ruffled. It bent its neck downwards to look at the three celestials, bringing its upside-down face near their level. The bird's eyes stared in different directions unsettlingly, but they sparked with joy on recognizing Gabriel.

The archangel and demon shared a look of alarm, and they simultaneously jammed their fingers into their ears. Aziraphale and Naboo quickly followed suit when the bird unleashed a joyful squawk in their faces, blasting their hair backwards. 

The principality giggled and then hooted with laughter at Crowley, whose hair had blown completely out of its elegant twist. "My dear," he shouted, "Just then you looked nearly exactly like you did in that Maxwell Cassette advertisement in the early 1980's!"

"WHAT?" 

"NEVERMIND!"

Gabriel patted the enormous beak with affection while shouting, "Hey, we have a job for you! You want a job? Yes! Let's get you invisible and head down to Earth!"


End file.
